Healings
by Annie and Arla.


Disclaimer: We don't own the characters. Paramount does. We just take them out to play once in a while.

Warning: Rated R for some adult situations and content.

Takes place sometime after Picard has been freed of Locutus.



  It was late and the Enterprise was several hours into its night watch. Doctor Beverly Crusher sighed tiredly and brushed her russet hair away from her face, securing it with a comb. Once again she tried to concentrate on the medical reports that she was filling out. Minutes later Crusher looked up when someone tapped lightly on the doorframe.

    "Deanna, hello, this is a nice surprise." Beverly smiled. The pretty Betazoid empath returned her friend's smile and stepped into the room.

    "Doctor Asenzi said that you were still working. I'm surprised though, it's nearly 2200. I thought your shift ended several hours ago." Troi said as she moved to sit in the chair in front of the doctor's desk.

    "Yes it did but I wanted to get the reports from the Borg encounter finished as soon as possible. That was one mission I'd just as soon forget." Crusher said quietly.

    "That's understandable." Troi nodded.

    "Well, what can I do for you Deanna?" Beverly turned off her computer screen and swung her chair around so she could face Troi.

    "Actually I stopped by to find out how the Captain is doing. I've been tied up with appointments all day and haven't had the opportunity to see him. Will did mention when we had dinner this evening that he was on the bridge for a few hours."

    "Yes he was. Physically he is fine. There was no medical reason that Vincent and I could see for keeping him in sickbay any longer. He was also anxious to get back to work. The scars from the Borg implants are healing but I'm not so sure about the emotional scars. Jean-Luc is sullen, moody and irritable. He nearly bit my head off this morning and he won't tell me what he's feeling." Crusher said her voice filled with concern. Worry was etched on her lovely features.

    "I know," Troi replied "He won't talk to me either. The captain has closed his mind to me. His mental shielding is so strong that I can't sense at all what he's feeling."

    "I'm afraid Deanna, afraid that if he doesn't face what happened and deal with his feelings that he'll snap and we'll lose him altogether."

    "Yes I know." Deanna replied. Troi could sense the worry and the anxiety that radiated from Beverly. Although Beverly had never spoken aloud her feelings Troi knew that the pretty doctor cared very deeply for Jean-Luc Picard. Perhaps she even loved him. Maybe, Troi thought, that was the solution to the problem. "Beverly," the empath began, leaning forward slightly. "I know that it's not really my place but I'm sure that you've most likely realized by now that I am able to sense just how much you care for Captain Picard." Beverly blushed and turned her eyes away. "Perhaps now it's time to tell him."

    Crusher looked back at Troi and got up from her chair moving around the desk. "I don't know Deanna." Beverly said quietly and shrugged her shoulders. Troi rose from her chair and moved to place her hands on the doctor's shoulders.

    "Beverly, knowing how you feel may be just what the captain needs to help him get through this. Although I can not read him right now, I'm pretty sure that he is feeling quite alone and he needs to know that someone is there for him. Captain Picard has most likely never felt so vulnerable in his life and he needs to be assured that it is alright for him to feel that way. He needs to know that it doesn't matter to those of us who care about him, and right now I think that you are the only one who can do that."

    "Perhaps you're right." Beverly replied quietly.

    "I'm sure I am." Troi replied with a gentle smile "I know it's late but why don't you stop by his cabin and talk with him tonight if he's still awake." Deanna suggested.

    "I think that I should stop by anyway."

    "And why is that?" the empath questioned

    "Because I know that he is physically alright and outwardly in control but I just feel that maybe he shouldn't be left alone until he resolves this."

    "Yes, now that you mention it. I think you're right. Well," Troi sighed "now that we have that settled I think I'm going to get some sleep. Good night Beverly and good luck."

    "Night, Deanna." Crusher smiled and watched as the dark haired woman turned and walked from sickbay. When Troi had gone Beverly walked back behind her desk.She slipped off her blue lab coat and draped it over the back of her chair before moving to the door. Crusher paused in the doorway and after casting a cursory glance over her office and finding everything in order she nodded then called down her office lights before striding from sickbay.
 
 


    After a brief stop at her cabin to collect a few things Beverly walked down the corridor to Picard's cabin. She stopped at the door and pressed the door chime. When there was no answer she pressed it again. There was still no reply. Crusher's ivory brow furrowed in slight puzzlement. "Computer?" she called "Is Captain Picard in his quarters?"

    "Affirmative." the feminine voice replied. Beverly paused a moment and then addressed the computer once again. "Computer this is Chief Medical Officer Beverly Crusher. Medical override, open the door." Jean-Luc's cabin door slid silently open in response to her order and Beverly stepped inside. The cabin was dark and so she called up the lights as she entered. The lights came up to a soft glow as Crusher looked around the living area. The room was as neat and orderly as it had been the last time she was here except for an open book on the sofa and an unfinished glass of wine on the glass coffee table. Beverly crossed to the sofa and set her things down on it. She picked up the book and after marking Jean-Luc's place with the bookmark tucked inside she placed it on the coffee table beside the wine glass. Picking up the wine glass she smiled and carried it over to the disposal unit beside the replicator. With that done she crossed over to the sleeping area. "Jean-Luc?" she called softly as she stepped into the room. The man was asleep and she could make out his form in the pale blue starlight that filtered in through the viewport windows above the bed. Beverly moved to stand beside him. Reaching out she took a hold of his wrist and was pleased to find his pulse beating strong and steady beneath her fingertips. "Sweet dreams." she whispered and brushed a gentle hand across his forehead before turning away.

    Collecting her nightgown and toilette items from the other room Beverly entered the bathroom to prepare for bed. She emerged several minutes later dressed in a simple white cotton nightdress. Crossing to the closet she took down an extra blanket from the shelf and walked back into the living room. After selecting a volume of Shakespeare from the bookshelf Beverly curled up on the sofa to read.
 
 ******

  The terrified scream that rang through the cabin startled Beverly awake and she sat up. Jean-Luc's cry of "NO!" sounded again followed by a rush of confused and terrified french. Throwing back the blanket that covered her she rushed into the bedroom. Jean-Luc was sitting up in bed and he was breathing heavily. His eyes were wide and fear filled, he still seemed to be locked in the throes of his nightmare.

    "Jean-Luc?" she called and moved to sit beside him. When Beverly reached out to touch him he pulled away in fear. "Jean-Luc it's alright. It's Beverly." Picard turned to look at her.

    "Beverly?" he questioned with a puzzled frown.

    "Yes Jean-Luc it's me." she replied softly and rested her hands on his shoulders.

    "Dieu!" he muttered and placed his face in his hands. He looked up seconds later when he felt her rise from the bed. "Don't go!" he called anxiously and grasped her wrist.

    "I'm just going to get you some water Jean-Luc." she said softly "I'll be right back." Beverly brushed her fingers down his cheek. Jean-Luc nodded and released her wrist. Picking up the empty tumbler from the night stand she crossed quietly to the bathroom. Seconds later she emerged with the tumbler full of water and a damp cloth. Picard had thrown back the covers and was sitting on the edge of the bed with his face hidden in his hands.

    "Here drink this." she said quietly and held out the glass.

    "Thank you." he mumbled and took the glass from her outstretched hand. Picard sipped the cold water gratefully. Beverly sat beside him and with the cool cloth she gently wiped the perspiration from his face.

    "Feeling better?" she asked after a moment.

    "A little." he replied and set the glass on the night stand.

    "Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked quietly.

    "No!" he replied as though stung and got up from the bed. He began to pace. "What are you doing here, anyway?" he asked trying to change the subject.

    "Deanna and I thought it best that you weren't left alone until you resolve this and come to terms with what happened", she said as her eyes tried to lock on his.  "I was sleeping on the sofa."

    "Beverly, there's no need for you to stay. I'm fine." he said quietly.

    "Really? I take it then that the nightmare you just had was evidence of just how fine you are." Crusher added with an admonishing tone.

    "It was nothing."

    "Nothing! Jean-Luc..." Beverly got up from the bed and moved to stand in front of him. "What ever this is that is bothering you. Whatever it was that the Borg did to you, you have to face it, come to terms with it or you'll go crazy."

    "I told you there's nothing to face!" he snapped.

    "Damn it Jean-Luc Picard you can be so ridiculously stubborn and pigheaded sometimes! Stop running away!" Beverly flared angrily, fire flashing in her sapphire eyes.

    "I'm not running." he replied tensely.

    "Oh yes you are! You're running away from your feelings. The invincible Captain Picard cannot face the fact that he was beaten. You don't want to admit that you're afraid and vulnerable, that you're hurting and in pain!"

    "Damn you!" the man swore.

    Crusher's features softened, her anger at the man's stubbornness dying away. She took a step toward him so that they stood mere inches apart. Gently she took his face in her hands and tilted his face upwards so that his green eyes looked into hers. Picard was surprised to see tears glistening in her eyes.

    "Jean-Luc...please..." she pleaded softly "This is tearing you apart and you have to deal with it. Please let me help you, please don't shut me out. Talk to me, tell me what you're feeling."

    Jean-Luc studied her face in the shadowy darkness of the room and knew at that moment that there was nothing that he could hide from this woman. As his doctor she knew him more intimately than perhaps anyone else ever had. To his surprise Jean-Luc found that there was nothing he wanted to hide from her. Beverly was here now, not as his doctor but as his friend. She was someone who would understand, perhaps the only one. She was the one person he could trust and so Jean-Luc let go of the tight restraints he held on his emotions.

    "Mon dieu!" he rasped. His voice was agonized and his usually undetectable french accent was more pronounced. Suddenly the man began to cry, his body wracked with sobs. Beverly reached out and gently pulled the sobbing man into the sheltering warmth of her arms. Jean-Luc clung to her as a drowning man clung to a life preserver or a dying man would cling to life. Beverly's heart went out to him. Tears flowed silently down her cheeks as she shared his pain. Slowly she lowered herself to the floor, pulling Jean-Luc with her until they knelt on the plush carpet. Beverly rocked him in her arms as she would have a frightened child. "Shhh," she soothed "It's alright. Just let it out."

    "Oh...Beverly," he whispered hoarsely against the fragrant softness of her hair. "I tried to fight them, I tried so hard, but I just couldn't."

    "Shhh, I know you did," she whispered soothingly,"I know you did", she repeated, stroking his back gently. "There was nothing you could have done."

    "I should have fought harder! I should have been stronger!"

    "No!" Beverly said defiantly. She leaned back so she could look into his eyes resting her hands on his shoulders. "Don't do this to yourself! You're not invincible Jean-Luc. You are only human and the Borg are machines. Cold, calculating machines with the strength of ten Vulcans. You couldn't have fought them and remember that it was because of your link with the Borg that we were able to defeat them."

    "The things they made me do. The destruction I caused, how people must hate me for that. I very nearly destroyed the Enterprise Beverly. I would have if Data and Worf hadn't captured me."

    "That doesn't matter now Jean-Luc. What happened hasn't and won't change the way the crew feels about you." Beverly paused. "It won't change the way that I feel." she added softly.

    "And how is that?" he asked his voice barely above a whisper. Beverly looked at him and studied the strong angular planes of his face. The gentle green eyes that she could always find comfort in. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time now Jean-Luc...she replied softly. "I love you. I love you in the past, present and the future, as you are, with all of your faults and all your fears. Nothing could ever change that."

    Jean-Luc closed his eyes for a moment as he let out a long soulful sigh. When he opened them again he looked at the beautiful redhead before him that he had loved for so long now. "Moi aussi je t'aime" he whispered reaching out to caress her ivory cheek with the back of his hand. "So very much." He paused. "When I was on the Borg ship and they were..." he stopped trying to shake off the unpleasant memory. "My last thoughts were of you, of what a fool I'd been in not telling you how I felt."

    Beverly smiled softly, covering his hand with her own. Her eyes silently urged him to continue. "When Locutus woke up in sickbay and we saw you leaning over us. I tried so hard to get through and let you know that I was still there, but his influence was too strong. It took nearly all my strength to get those few words out to Data."

    "Yes I know." Beverly said quietly.

    Jean-Luc watched her for a moment, seeing the changing emotions that flickered across her face.   "What this must have been like for you." he added softly brushing back a stray lock of russet hair.

    "It was difficult, very difficult." she said softly. "At first we were so busy that I really didn't have time to think much about it. It wasn't until we beamed over to try and rescue you that first time and I saw what they'd done to you that I finally realized. When Will gave the order to fire, I wanted to kill him. I wanted to scream at him that he couldn't do such a thing."

    "But you didn't."

    "No, I never let anyone know what I was feeling." Beverly laughed lightly "All because of some stupid crap I learned in Medical school about doctors having to be in control of our emotions all the time. How we must be detached and reserved. When the deflector dish didn't work I had this incredible feeling of elation. Was that wrong?" she asked quietly.

    "No," he replied softly, his thumb stroking her cheek. "No I don't think it was. I would have felt the same way had our positions been reversed."

    Beverly looked at him, studying his face a face that days before had been vastly different. "I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you. I can't live through that kind of loss again Jean-Luc." she said quietly but there were tears sparkling in her eyes. Now it was his turn to comfort her. Tenderly he drew the woman into his arms and she hid her face in his shoulder.

    "Everything is alright now mon cher." he whispered.

    "I'm afraid Jean," she whispered against his neck "so afraid to lose you. Promise me you won't ever leave me."

    Jean-Luc gently took her face between his hands and tilted her head back so that he could look into her eyes. "I promise you," he whispered softly "that as long as it is in my power to do so , I'll never willingly leave you. That's all I can promise you Cherie."

    "That's enough." Beverly smiled.

    Jean-Luc leaned forward to rest his lips gently against her ivory temple, his warm breath gently fanned the soft wisps of russet hair. His lips trailed a tender path down the delicate lines of her high cheekbones and her chin to rest finally upon her lips in a warm gentle kiss. Her lips parted to the gentle brush of his tongue. When the kiss ended Jean-Luc smiled into her eyes. "Do you know how long I've been wanting to do that?"

    "Yes." she replied with a soft smile. "So, do you still want me to leave?" she added, referring to his earlier statement that she needn't stay.

    Picard smiled "No," he said quietly and rose to his feet. Leaning down he grasped her elbows gently and pulled her to her feet. Slipping his arms around her he drew the woman close. "No, I don't want you to go. In fact I want to fall asleep tonight with you in my arms." he said quietly.

    Beverly smiled, the smile lit her eyes with a mischievous glow. "Is that all?" she said, her voice a seductive whisper.

    Picard laughed "Oh I'm quite sure we can thing of something Doctor."

    "Mmm yes I think we can." Beverly purred.

****
 
   Jean-Luc had often wondered how her eyes would look when lit with the flame of desire. Even in the shadowed darkness of the room he could see that the usual clear blue of her eyes was now a dark and smoky sapphire. Reaching out Beverly tugged at the tie belt of his short sleepsuit and the top fell open. She slid her hands in an intimate caress up the firm muscles of his chest from the waistband of his short pyjama bottoms through the softly curling mat of dark hair to rest finally on his broad shoulders. With a gentle push the top fell to the floor. Jean-Luc closed his eyes to the intense shock of desire that shot through him at her warm, gentle touch. Bending her head Beverly brushed her lips against the bony ridge of his collarbone, her tongue tasting the salt of his skin. Her lips trailed a gentle path to his neck. Placing his hands on her buttocks Jean-Luc pulled her closer. He turned his head until her silky hair brushed against his face and he inhaled it's delicate fragrance. The scent brought back a memory of his youth and the colorful flower filled fields of his home village. Wildflowers and sunshine he thought with a smile. He slid his hands slowly up the smooth curve of her back then over her shoulders and neck to gently grasp her face between his hands. Jean-Luc's thumbs tenderly stroked her cheeks as he studied her face. The exquisitely beautiful face that had haunted his dreams from the first moment he'd met her. How long he had been waiting just to touch this woman, just to feel her warm embrace. Closing his eyes he pulled her in closer and lowered his lips to hers. He heard her soft intake of breath as their lips touched.

    The passion and ardour of the kiss left them both breathless. When they parted Beverly smiled. It was an intimate smile, warm and inviting. "Make love to me, Jean-LUc." she whispered. Her smile softened as she saw the green of his eyes darken with desire. A desire that mirrored her own.

    "As you wish." Jean-Luc whispered and reached out untiing the fine blue ribbon that held the neckline of her nightgown closed. The gown fell open revealing the creamy swell of her breasts. Beverly lowered her arms and with a small shrug of her shoulders the gown slipped from her slender body to fall in a gentle pool at her feet. Jean-Luc paused a moment drinking in the sight of her, tall and slim her flawless ivory skin the colour of the most delicate bisque china. Her body was bathed in the pale blue starlight from the viewport. He took a step closer and lifted her into his arms carrying her over to the bed. He set her down then paused a moment to shed the rest of his clothing before slipping into bed beside her. Pulling the blankets around them he moved into the warmth of her outstretched arms. Jean-Luc pulled her close, melding the length of her body against his own. With his free hand he gently brushed back the heavy curtain of her hair so that he could see her face. "Je t'aime." he said his voice barely above a whisper. Closing his eyes he lowered his lips to hers.

    The love they made was slow and gentle, a sharing and blending of the mind, body and soul.